FlightMageddon: Smell something, Say Something

By Tammy Duffy

The summer time holiday travel crush is upon us. Want to give a special gift to a stranger?  Spread some holiday cheer by not doing any of the things I am about to share with you while flying.

During a recent United Airlines flight to Ohio we experienced quite the turbulent flight. This is a normal occurrence and expected as we fly the skies. We are accepting of this and entrust the crew to keep us safe and get us grounded safely.

However, on the ride home the experience was quite different. The gentleman pictured above removed his shoes as he sat down. In an instant this man created the most radically noxious, odiferous atmosphere for all of us in the back of the plane. He was completely oblivious and non caring of the atmosphere he created. His feet on appearance resembled that of a expeditioner traversing the NYC subway system rail systems barefooted for 2 weeks, in the search for the ultimate piece of pizza. The pungent odor was quite penetrating. It traveled up our nostrils and had a stay power equivalent to a tick on a dog sucking the blood from a vessel.

This unnamed man was sitting next to a friend. His friend did throw his smelly footed wonder friend a look when he removed his shoes, however, did nothing to rectify the situation.  The flight crew also seemed oblivious to the smell. But, what could they do? Are their olfactory senses dismantled when they are hired by United? Are they not allowed to say anything in fear someone will sue the airline?

After we landed and during my ride home, the negative olfactory experience continued. The smell of dirty, crusty, pus smelling feet permeated my nostrils. I felt as if I had been sprayed with a new type of Febreeze, entitled Smelly foot spray.

The olfactory experience was not the only experience passengers got to relish in from this passenger. When he woke up from his nap, he began a large excavation of his nasal passage. Each new mucosal secretion he removed from his nasal cavity, he examined with extreme interest. It was as if he had discovered the first piece of gold in a new gold mine. Each new piece of "gold" he placed carefully in a tissue for collection.  Once he felt the entire cave (aka his booger filled nose) had been full excavated, he placed this massively filled mucosal secreted tissue into the seat back pocket.This is a horrible thing to do for the flightcrew who cleans the planes.

The level of rudeness this passenger demonstrated to fellow passengers and to the flight crew (with the mucosal secreted filled tissue) is beyond what is acceptable. Why have we become a society of such radical behavior in the skies. No wonder Mr. Trump has his own plane.

As a common courtesy, you should at least walk onto the plane clean and not reeking of body odor. One of my worst flights involved a couple who smelled so bad that the passengers in the two rows around them literally had to plug their noses for the flight. Later, the flight attendants actually encouraged the offended passengers to write to Delta to complain and get a gift certificate. A close second in terms of hygiene-related offenses is when you see people clipping their nails, tweezing their eyebrows or putting nail polish on. It’s not only rude but it’s also illegal to put on nail polish on planes because it’s highly flammable. If you ever see someone putting it on, either tell them to stop or ring the call button and ask the flight attendant if they smell nail polish. And don’t get me started about the person across the aisle who I saw flossing their teeth.

Let me tell you another story that my aunt shared with me. The smelly feet cannot compare to what happened to her returning from Switzerland last fall.  She was traveling business class and they were bumped up to first class on our return flight.  It was their first time ever flying first class internationally. Everything is going well on the flight.  They were being pampered by her own personal attendant. After lunch, lights are subdued and people are napping. She was not for she cannot sleep on planes.

There are only four seats, my aunt, two in the center and one against the other side of the plane. All of a sudden she gets a whiff of the smelliest flatus you can imagine.  The gentleman in the seat across the aisle has his rump pointed in her direction and his anal wind was aimed right at her. She gets up and goes to another seat to tell her husband how bad the smell is. She returns to her seat and the smell has now dissipated. She sits down only to be greeted with another smelly windstorm. The smell has crescendo stronger than Beethoven's 5th symphony.  She then goes to the galley to ask if they have anything to help with the odor. The odor at this point had taken over the cabin.  

The attendant has a spray and starts spraying the entire cabin. They were laughing, although it was not funny.  The human odiferous wind machine, got the hint because he then sat up. A few minutes later he gets up and goes to the restroom. He comes back and then I notice the galley is now being sprayed. The smell was so bad it crept out of the restroom into the galley. After her first experience going first class she said she would rather sit next to a sewer.

Where do the airlines have to take ownership of these bad behaviors of passengers? To ensure that passengers do not have to be subjected to these bad behaviors. Many passengers will not go to the galley and complain for fear of what could happen if the "culprit" reacts in some severely negative manner at 30,000 feet.

Posted by tammyduffy at 9:13 AM EDT

Updated: Saturday, 7 May 2016 9:27 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink